They say you don’t make your choices but your choices make you. But I couldn’t make my own choices even if I could. My parents will do that for me.
And so I live, an internet deprived life. Mobile data lasts for a certain blissful amount of time and like all great things, comes to an end. Moments when I find internet in a cafe or at a relative’s are rare but I try to cherish them like one would cherish the last moments with a dying lover.
My exact situation is this:
I don’t have wifi. I do, however, have an internet usb which also only lasts for a certain amount of GBs (which end in a blink of an eye, and yes I download a shitload of stuff, mostly anime or Korean dramas) and it’s speed is so slow, my death certificate will look like this.
Cause of death: Slow Internet
And then comes the mobile data and then the long phase of staring at walls, waiting for the next month so Mum can pay the usb bill. I also don’t own my own cellphone. I use my Mum’s. Am I sure that I’m 18 years old? Well, unless someone messed with my birth certificate then yes, I’m sure.
But I don’t mind. I have zero (maybe even less than that) self-control, and I would study less than I already do and if I did have all that I wanted, then my parents wouldn’t get what they want. And that’s a good report card from my college, in the mail, on a silver tray, at the breakfast table.
And I also don’t get pocket money. My parents don’t have time for that kind of luxuries. They are both doctors and even when they get a second away from their routine, they will start studying. Even at the age of 45. The conversation they have will typically go like this:
“I had a case of leukaemia today, do you mind if I send the reports to you in the lab?”
“No, it’s alright, but check it yourself first if the platelet and the red-blood cell levels are normal.”
“Sure, right after I complete this report on meningitis, so many kids are getting this lately, not to mention diphtheria.”
“Not to mention the sudden attack of dengue. Which reminds me, Mahnoor. Could you print out the new government precaution update for me? And why are you out here anyway? Why are you not studying? Do you want to fail in exams, kick our honour around in the dirt, die alone with not a penny to your name?”
(Seriously, she makes my life go past my eyes like that. From exam-failing to living in the streets, and I just sigh and go back inside.)
My friends got lunch money, I got two small nuggets (chicken, not gold) in my lunch box. Once I asked Dad to start giving me pocket money and he said that’s what posh people do. What even is life?
Trying to look at it optimistically, I suppose that this is my super-power. This miserable situation does make me the odd one, so I’ve decided that it doesn’t have to make me feel bad anymore. I thought about the time when I was a kid, and internet never even existed in my life. I remember sunshine and grass, my grandfather-
(Why do I sound like an alcoholic in rehab, who is suddenly remembering his life before he started dating alcohol?)
Anyways, with no wifi around, I write more and draw more, and I wouldn’t do so otherwise because I have no control over my brain and I’d be on YouTube right now, if I led a different life, learning about how the first meme ever came into being and if Romania ever had actual dragons (Ron’s brother, Charlie worked with dragons there), and if yes, then is Sebastian Stan also a lovely yet dangerous mythitical being?
I’m probably going to get very very bored, but also going to be very very happy about not seeing that there are single ladies in my area who want to chat with me (Not that I wouldn’t chat with them, they look like lovely ladies but they seem so desperate, you just kind of lose interest). And if it’s not the ladies, it’s weight loss techniques and if it’s not that, then it’s “10 photos Hilary Clinton wishes didn’t exist”, I mean, come on. Nobody cares. I wish the ads were better. I wish they were like, “Golden Retriever pup rolling on the grass, click to see more.”
Anyways, winter is here (“Father always said so”) and I haven’t got a lot to look forward to except oranges and the days with sweet sunshine. And my super power doesn’t feel like a power anymore. It’s just there. It doesn’t even do anything anymore, like, I would love a magic wand or something. I feel so useless, I would swish around anything. Okay, new holidays goal. Steal the Elder Wand my cousin got from England when he visited the Hogwarts set. (He probably won’t even notice it’s gone, while I, on the other hand would kiss it goodnight and then lock it in the secret safe under my bed.)
Super-power or a burden? I guess this power is too great, my brain can’t deal with it. Super-power or just my life? Now, that makes sense.
(But seriously, would love some Internet. Even the monastery where Doctor Strange learned had wifi. They weren’t savages. But then again, if I tell that to my parents, they will say “At least he was a doctor. You should become one first too and then you can live with monks with wifi for all we care.”)