On chemistry and affections

//From June, 2017//

I’ve always hated chemistry. Because I couldn’t understand it. Because even when I tried to, it still presented itself to me as an esoteric enigma, making me feel like as if I was trying to make sense out of something through a kaleidoscope. I knew it was beautiful, people had devoted their lives to this particular subject, and I respected that. But it never made me feel at home. And I didn’t like that.

Until I had to repeat a year. Sounds a little embarrassing to write it out loud, in front of the internet and all, but yes, that happened. I gave the Medical college entry test, didn’t make the cut (actually I fell pretty far away from the cut) so had to give it another go. (Try, try again, isn’t that right, T.H. Palmer?)

And so I had to acquiesce, like a wild horse being broken. Swallowing my ego, I tried to make peace with many chemical reactions. And after some months, I realised that I could use some of these phenomenas for my own nerdish theories.

(Can’t brainwash my inner nerd away, KIPS! I’ll forever rebel against your 5 am classes by using science to corroborate my own cosmological and philosophical deductions! *takes out every colour highlighter and bookmark and waves them around fiercely to express my colourful heart*)

I always talk a lot about relationships for some reason and I will talk about them again now. Somehow, at at least one point in our lives, we fall prey to the idea of perfection. With every condition at its ideal. Now let me talk a little about gases. They are ideal and they are non-ideal. The non-ideal ones are called real. Do you understand?

For ideal, hypothetical gases, they made a kinetic theory to explain them. But when they used it to explain real gases, well what do you know? Two of the postulates failed. The scientists were probably stumped though until they came upon a realisation that well, you need some ideal conditions to make real gases behave like ideal ones. Low pressure and high temperature. But alas! Some gases still deviated from the ideal behaviour. And then Van der Waal came along and made some corrections in some factors so the postulates could be applied on real gases, yada yada. But I was fascinated by how this felt like something that also linked to relationships. Ideal ones don’t exist. But the idea of one is necessary so you can relate to it once a real one comes along. So, some of your own postulates get debunked and leave you in a mess. Followed by the realisation of what’s real and what’s not. And then making some of your own corrections. Breaking down your own castles to a rubble. But staying steady and getting the hang of it, leaving the idea behind for something far better. For something real. For something you worked for.

(Did I already mention this in a previous post as well? Maybe.)

And then we come to the topic of bonding. Atoms, humans, potato, potahto. When two atoms come closer together, they attract. But no, to be more specific, their valence electrons react, depending on their own valencies and their stability and how much they need to depend on one another. We get some amount of a bond energy and that’s that. But are the atoms completely attached to one another when they’re bonded? Are they standing side by side, no space in between them? No. You forget about the other electrons, the ones in the inner shells. They are negatively charged, the electrons of the other atom are also negatively charged, so they will repel and there will a decrease in energy and a distance between them. A little distance isn’t a bad thing, everyone needs space to breathe. Even when you’re in love, remember that you are YOU, even though you share parts of yourself with someone, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve your own space because that’s a good thing! Distance makes the heart grow fonder. You don’t have to stick together like two beans in a pod 24/7.

(My chemistry professor JUST said “Humans and atoms are exactly the SAME but with different forms of expression” LIKE OH MY GOD WOW I was writing this in class and he just said that, I want to grin out loud!)

My point is, we are made of atoms and so we have their characteristics. We collide, connect, disconnect and even blow up, giving off heat and terrible energy. I just thought this was very fascinating how science, (rationality-driven, fact-seeking) could relate to something as irrational and free as love. I guess they are both two paths of a same journey.


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